THE ART OF FIRST IMPRESSIONS
Here are a few reasons, from my perspective, why first impressions are not as accurate as we think they are.
- First impressions do not account for the circumstances surrounding the target of our first impression.
A person we meet for the first time could have had the absolute worst day with few things going their way. This may cause a negative feeling on our part because they avoided eye contact or showed ambivalence to our meeting.
Or, they could be elated from a recent deal they brokered, one in which they were dishonest. Upon meeting us, they seemed pleasant, friendly, and happy. The danger if we accept this first impression is that we may find ourselves cheated in a deal with them in the future and left wondering how he or she could have been so dishonest.
The fact is, any external circumstance can alter the emotions of a person masking who they really are. Some would say that feelings are a telling factor and should be considered with a first impression. That may be true to a certain extent. However, I would suggest emotions should only be taken into consideration if, after a trial period of the relationship, you see a pattern of behavior that indicates this person has difficulty separating their emotion from reality.
The other reason we could consider emotions after a certain period of time is if the person has difficulty balancing their feelings with the world around them, which can lead to issues down the road.
- First impressions do not account for how we are feeling, or what preconceived notions we may have.
I have been guilty of not taking my own emotions or circumstances into account many times. After an initial encounter with another individual, I may draw conclusions about their character or personality, which could be based mainly on my emotions during the meeting.
We could have had the absolute worst day with few things going our way, which feeds into our reactions to new situations and people. We could have had family issues (sickness, problems with children, a death in the family) which are hard to mask, even if we put on a façade when meeting others for the first time.
As I have grown, it has become a much better practice to spend time with the other person, to get to know them better, and to allow their consistent actions and behavior speak louder than my ideas about them. Usually, someone’s real character will come out eventually, at which time we can decide about whether we will continue to pursue this relationship-friendship.
There is an old lesson in the Bible that says, “Do not judge others, and you